Short story WIP - my first attempt at writing romance

[Juliette26]

Hi everyone! I'm new to this forum, so forgive me if I do something wrong.

I wrote this super short story without doing any real research... I knew I wanted it set in history at some point! (Which is not very specific, since history is a large period. ) So forgive me if this time period was... fabricated? This was written on the spur of the moment.

So it's not Regency - am I still aloud to post? The story is technically over, but it needs a lot of editing as far as I'm concerned, so I still consider it a WIP.

But enough of my nervous babbling. I guess I'll have to post it - hope you enjoy! I won't be hurt by criticisms, I promise.

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A lone girl walked down an empty dirt road. The sun was high in the cloudless sky, beating down on her. It was hot. The earth was dry, coughing up dust with every step she took. A bird chirped in the distance, flying somewhere in the pale blue sky. A merciful breeze blew by, tousling her light hair and sweeping dust into the air. The long grass blades also swept along with the gentle wind.

Her green skirt rustled with every step she took. The road seemed endless. She was both keen and reluctant to reach her destination. However, she kept walking, one foot in front of the other, forcing the feeble protests out of her mind. She clenched her fists, then unclenched them. Her palms were sticky with sweat. She wiped them on her skirt, then her forehead on her white sleeve.

Edward. Just thinking his name caused feelings that she never knew existed. She wet her lips and swallowed, preparing to speak.

“Edward.”

It sounded even better out loud.

He was her friend, her companion. He was her savior and her everything. He was her love, and today, he needed to know.

A tiny dwelling appeared out of the flat, barren landscape. She did not need to squint to know that is was his family’s farm. She had walked this dirt road many times in her childhood, but never carrying the declaration that she bore today.

She closed her eyes, but never stopped walking, even though her entire mind willed her to stop. But her heart, which always overcame the mind, told her to move forward.

Some distance later, she could see a man working in the field. He was beautiful. His dark brown hair was rumpled; his skin glistened with the sweat of his hard labor. Closer and closer she came, noticing more details. The way his white shirt stuck to his skin, mimicking the movements of his muscles. The profile of his face: his pointed features to which she was so familiar. She could hardly wait until she was close enough to see the brilliant blue color of his eyes. The very same eyes that pierced her so thoroughly, at every glance. The same eyes she had dreamed of. The same eyes she would look into and confess her love.

He stopped his work at the sound of a branch breaking. She looked down and found one snapped beneath her feet. Her gaze shifted upward and she was met by the most devastatingly handsome smile she ever witnessed. Blood pounded in her ears, and she felt a chill despite the heat. He gave a greeting, but it was lost to her.

She approached him, humbling staring at her feet. She saw him straighten up out of the corners of her eyes; she assumed he was bewildered by her peculiar behavior.

She looked up. In an instant, her green eyes met his.

“Edward?” she began softly, shocking herself with the capability to speak.

She searched his face for a reaction. He inclined his head, inviting her to go on.

“I think I’m in love with you.”

Silence.

The lack of noise was more deafening than any other sound. Her stomach clenched and her knees grew weak. His face registered shock, and she quickly looked away, as though it burned. Bitter tears sprang to her eyes, as she whirled around and began to quickly walk away.

Fool! Imbecile! She cursed at herself. She blinked back the tears gathering in her eyes. You stupid girl! He will never speak with you again! In her haste, she stumbled over her own legs. She caught herself, but quickened her pace, now nearly running back to her home. She kicked up the dirt from the road as she ran.

She heard him call for her in the distance. She did not stop. What could he possibly say? He might even laugh. She nearly recoiled in horror as her vicious imagination filled her head with cruel taunting.

In all her foolishness, she did not hear heavy footsteps pounding after her, nor notice that he was gaining on her. She only noticed his presence when she felt him grab her arm.

“Bethany!” he said breathlessly.

She quickly spun around. They faced each other. Her breath was stuck in her throat, and her mind was blank.

“I think I’m in love you with you, too.”

He kissed her firmly, hugging her close to him.

She felt like the entire world was spinning, leaving her weightless to float forever. She put her hand on the back of his neck, tangling it in his hair. Edward loves me.

And she knew that no matter how tough the journey, it was worth taking. The longer the empty dirt road, the sweeter the ending.
----

So... that's it. Thank for reading!

[DaniR]

I like the story a lot, but I wish there was more detail! I am curious about how the characters met, how they fell in love...etc. I think it sounds like a good starting point, and you can build something really sweet off of this. It has a sort of timelessness to it; it could be taking place in any era, which is interesting. I also think that your descriptions are very visual, which I appreciated. I felt like I could see the action, which I think is the mark of a good writer.

[Woodyer]

Wow, you certainly caught my attention! I love the scene you portrayed, you have a fabulous ability to bring the characters to life. Would love to hear more; how did they fall in love, how do they know each other, where are they i.e. present day or some past period of time???

_________________
L. Woodyer




"You have a two second rebound rule, then you're off doing the next pain in the ass thing". The Notebook-film edition

[Juliette26]

Thank you both so much! Hm.. maybe I really should try to build a story off of this. Thank you both!

[angel251977]

I was wondering myself if this was the first chapter?
The end?
Somewhere in between?
Other than that, you have a great story to build on and make into a very sweet tale.
Of course, you should definitely have a time period in mind when writing, so you know where to go with the story. So you know what the rules of society would be.
I thought while I was reading this that it reminded me very much of a Regency romance.
That's what I assumed it was.
I think that this part could be used toward the middle of the story.
After a thorough first chapter and an introduction to the characters.

You really have a lovely romance here.
And it's my favorite type of story.
A friends to lovers theme.

_________________
http://angel-elizabeth1977.blogspot.com/

[Juliette26]

Hm yeah I wrote it pretty much on the fly. I wanted it to be Regency, since that's my favorite, but I didn't really want to do much research - I just wanted to just WRITE it. (The little scene had been creeping around my brain for awhile and NEEDED to get down on paper.)

And it's not a start or end - I am a member of this writing website where "one-shots" are very popular- pretty much just VERY short stories. So that's where this came from. It would probably be close to the end if I adapted it into a full story.

But this helps me know that my writing isn't too too awful! Haha. Thank you all!